When you eat something that you know is not healthy, how do you know it isn't healthy?
This isn't a trick question. I've been struggling lately with bad eating habits creeping back into my life. But instinctively I know, when I put the potato chip to my lips, that this isn't healthy. I've never mistaken ice cream for a healthy meal—and unfortunately, I wasn't even fooled by frozen yogurt. So why do I still make unhealthy choices?
I guess the first thing we need to do is define what is healthy, which, let's be honest, has become increasingly complex. Low-carb, keto, carnivore, vegetarian, gluten-free, fat-free, raw, blended—I don't know what to make of all these dietary approaches anymore. But here's my thought process: When looking at food I'd like to eat, I first ask myself, "Is this junk food?" I think we're all adults and know what constitutes junk food. Second, I check the ingredients. If I can't recognize any ingredient listed in the first three or four items, maybe it isn't a good choice.
And lastly, I ask myself: Would I feed this to my infant or toddler? Would I feed a cheese doodle to my infant? How about high-fructose corn syrup? We protect our babies from harmful foods, so why don't we protect ourselves the same way?
I could go on a tangent about the quality of food available to us and how that ties directly to the pharmaceutical business, but I'll stay focused. The bottom line isn't what the food industry is selling us—it's what we're putting in our mouths. Healthy choices are available, so why am I struggling so much recently to make the right choice?
I eat when I'm sad, when I'm happy, when I want to celebrate, when I want to crawl into a hole. So what's really motivating me to grab the brownie instead of a banana, or better yet, nothing at all? Because 60% of the time when I find myself browsing the refrigerator, I'm not even hungry.
Let's break this down. I'm watching "Gilmore Girls" on Netflix, and suddenly a thought pops into my head: "I want chocolate!" Almost immediately, I hear a second voice say, "You really shouldn't," and then the tug-of-war begins. The first voice is very much like a little child who will eventually throw a tantrum if she doesn't get the chocolate. It begins with negotiations:
- "Oh come on, I've been so good all week"
- "I need it because I had such a lousy week"
- "I have to have it because I didn't get that job/promotion/like on Facebook"
Why doesn't the second voice—the more parental voice—carry more weight? It's almost like dealing with a child who has worn down their parent to the point where they just say, "Oh, go ahead and eat it!" And if a child can run over their parent enough times, they might just stop asking altogether. When was the last time you put a cookie in your mouth without even remembering having the tug-of-war conversation? The child just takes the cookie without asking anymore. I'm sad to say that I'm close to that point.
Being stricter with my hungry little baby thoughts doesn't seem to work. I get caught in that loop of "I want" versus "You can't."
So, what if we simply don't say no, but "Yes, later"? "No cookies today, but tomorrow you can have one." This approach does several things:
1. It establishes the parent as the decision-maker
2. It's kind and compassionate while teaching discipline
3. It creates space to examine the craving
Then comes the big step: Ask the baby voice, "Why do you want the cookie? Are you hungry?" If yes, then offer better options. If no, keep asking questions and find out what's really behind the craving. Very few of these thoughts have grounds in actual hunger, so odds are, tomorrow you might not even remember wanting a cookie.
Craving food is just a thought. That's it. So when you hear, "I want to eat that whole pint of Chocolate Chip Mint," replace it with: "Oh look, I'm thinking about junk food again. Wow that baby voice won’t quit. Don't worry, we can revisit it tomorrow because we know sugar and all those other unrecognizable ingredients aren't going to do anything good for this body other than harm it. Maybe tomorrow as a treat, but not right now."
This is the inner dialogue I want to start having more regularly when I'm about to eat something I know I shouldn't. I want to examine why I'm craving the food rather than thinking, "I'm getting fat, I shouldn't because I'll gain weight," and get to the core! Will you join me as we figure this out together and really start making healthy choices?
Remember, stay alert and stay rooted in joy.
