If you had to pick an animal to represent yourself, what would it be? For me, I am very much like a bird, for both the good and bad qualities that it represents. Yes, I love to feel free as a bird and resist being held in any type of cage. I have been in "caged" relationships, and that doesn't work for me at all. I need to at least have the illusion of being in charge of my own choices when it comes to my life, and I have to say I do feel that freedom in many areas of my life at this point.
However, when it comes to fear, I am like a frightened little bird. Loud noises and slight changes in energy startle me easily. I can fly off at the smallest disturbance. I am a frightened little bird more often than I would like to admit. This anxiety became particularly apparent when planning to visit my son in North Carolina.
My options were simple: fly alone or drive 10 hours alone. While flying would be quicker, driving offered the freedom to make certain choices rather than being locked into flight times. Obviously, flying was the safer option and should have alleviated many fears. That's what I ultimately chose. But when I started looking up flights online, I became short with my husband, who was only trying to help, and overwhelmed by the options of airlines, departure times, and carry-on requirements. I was overreacting, but the root cause was that I was scared and trying to find any excuse to say, "I'm not going!"
Here's the interesting thing: once I took a moment and realized I was just scared—and that worst case scenario, I simply wouldn't go—it became much easier to book the flight. Booking had seemed like such a mountain to climb that I actually started crying, BUT once I did it, I handled everything amazingly well.
The next day, I started telling people I was going to NC to visit my son Chris. Not one person said, "What are you crazy? You're going alone? Aren't you scared?" Instead, everyone acted as if it was no big deal and wished me a great time. After this happened three times, I thought to myself, "Well, if no one else is alarmed about my traveling on a plane to NC by myself, perhaps I should calm down a bit."
Each time during the week that I thought, "Oh God, I have to fly on Sunday... what if... what if..." I reminded myself, "You are fine, you will be safe, you are more than capable." It turned out to be an easy experience that I will absolutely repeat.
The fact that this fear kept me from visiting my own son for years is beyond ridiculous, and I will never again let it stop me from doing something, especially visiting family and friends! Yes, I see Chris often because he is gracious enough to come to NJ to see the rest of the family, but my visits to him will now be regular because of the incredible benefit to our relationship.
Bottom line: we all have silly fears inherited from family, friends, news, movies, television—everything around us. But we must remember they are only thoughts—thoughts we ourselves created. Taking a moment to examine my feelings and remember they aren't always true led to an amazing visit that showed me how much I had been missing.
Yes, there were a couple of near-panic moments while traveling. I lost my tablet at the TSA but, believe it or not, got it back without issue. I had a slight problem with my boarding pass, but again, the kind airline people fixed it within minutes. The truth is, you are more than capable because you are a powerful soul. Don't forget this fact when facing something intimidating—you've got this!
Like a bird learning to trust its wings, I've learned to trust myself.
Remember: stay aware and stay rooted in joy.
